Last week, the 14th

Last week there was this day that the calender tells us we need to show love to the ones we love. I have struggled with this day for years. It seems when I was with someone I wanted them to fulfill the obligations set before them by the calender. When they didn't or at least not to my expectations I was hurt. Thankfully I was not in many relationships before Paul. But the sad part is that it had passed on into my marriage.


I knew that I should not feel this way. I know that I should not expect something cause of a silly calender date. The past years I have fought the hurt. This year there was a break through.


This year I was and am thankful for the family I have. I am blessed with a man that shows me love in his own way, not stooping to any social conventions.


And this year I really believed it. I knew it in my heart. It was not just a head thought that I had to fight when he "didn't come through" with the flowers, chocolate, cards, date......


Instead I made him an apple pie, his most favorite. And I made it because I love him. Yeah I want to do things for him at any time because I love him but I still wanted to do something special. So I did. And I did not expect anything in return.


When he was a little later than expected I wondered if he had indeed gone out to get something for me.


When he came home there were donuts. I knew that this was for our family, this was not a romantic gesture and I was cool with that. I didn't feel hurt or disappointed. In fact I was happy. Happy he was home and that he had bought donuts. He asked if it was okay that the donuts trumped the pie for our girls. And of course I was. I was happy that it meant more pie for my man.


The evening was spent with the girls and my love. It was quiet and simple. It was peaceful. Paul studied and I did what I do most evenings. Just life things.




And then I cleaned out his lunch bag. There it was. His token of love. A note written out for me. He talked on how he had tried. He had stood in the Valentine isle with the intent but a few things caught his attention.


1: The shelves were pretty near cleared.
2: There were many a desperate looking man standing in line saying these words in their heads "Oh Shit! I forgot" He knew this cause he can read body language better than I can.
3: This day is totally over marketed and over done all for the corporate and he just couldn't be a part of it.


4: The poor little stuffed bear holding the limp rose could never say what he wanted to say.

And the rest of the letter was him saying it. In his own words telling me why he loves me. Telling me that he would do it again, today, marry me. Maybe not in those words but his heart was on paper and my tears of joy spilled forth.

I am so proud of my man. He works hard to show his love to us and I could not have asked for a better man. In fact I didn't know what I was turning down all those years ago. I thank God that Paul waited for me and loved me always.




I am a blessed woman.


I am a loved woman. I could never put into words the truth of it. In his arms I am loved.

P.S. I did the girls hair all pretty for when Paul got home but it was only five minutes after the pictures were taken and the hair was every where. I knew it would be so but it was fun for the moment.

Foot prints in the snow

On Monday life is going to take a bit of a turn. We know it is coming, the change but we don't know what it will be like. There is apprehension in the new, in the unknown.



This man, the father of my girls, the love of my life is going to start the next stage of his apprenticeship.


He is unsure as to what this will be like. He is nervous.

He was home schooled all through his childhood and has not done any post secondary schooling at this point.


This will be his first time in this kind of a setting, as a student. And he doesn't know what to expect.


Anyone who knows him says he will do fine, (including me) but still it is the unknown. And of this I understand. As I told Suzie, anything that is new to us can make us nervous. It is not a bad thing to be a bit unsure. Even good things, things we look forward to can make us feel like this. A new destination for travel, stepping into a new relationship. There is the fact that we don't know what to expect, how it will go and what we will or will not accomplish.


But there is one thing I am sure of. And that is My husband. He is a man that can do what he puts his mind to. He can and will do a great job of this next step. I am proud of him. I am proud that he is on this road and doing an amazing job of it. Now we stand with him in this new stage of the game and will cheer him on from the side lines. And just as any partner that can only stand on the side lines and cheer on their racer, I am nervous and excited for him and can't wait to see how he does.

: :

And here are some more pics from the walk we took last Sunday. The one that was colder than I had expected and the girls enjoyed more that I had hoped.

Blue eyes!!


Checking out another great old building in our home town. This was once the school in town and is now the office space to a small business. I believe they only use some of the space in the basement and we would love to take a look around in the two upper floors.


Some great detailing in the brick. They sure don't do it like they used to.


Walking in the snow.








Swings are good any time of year.










Her big sister went down head first, why not her too?


Chasing Daddy in the snow.


The foot prints of my family. I am so proud of each and every one of these three. They inspire me to move forward, to be a better person and to love with all my heart.

Travel the world, get your mind off marriage

This kind of worked.

I was determined to let go of my desperate desire to marry and hoped that if I took to the air and over seas that this might just work. I would love to say that I totally forgot my longings but that would not be the truth. While in the belly of a boat between Estonia and Sweden, all alone and rocking through the night I turned 21. I was in the middle of the biggest adventure of my life and I was still disappointing that I was alone. I wanted to share my road with the one that I would share my life with. But I could not. I had not yet realized that he was back home and in love with me. I had not yet given in to him.

Much happened on this six month journey. I met many people and traveled many places but that is not what this story is about. It is about what happened when I got home. I came home in a new shape. I was a little blacker and a little rougher around the edges and softer in the middle.

I looked different but my heart had stayed true to form. I only wanted to love and to be loved. And I hate to admit that most of my life I kind of resembled "the ugly one" in this episode of teen girl squad. There is one line in there that, if I had spoken the truth, would have been my line through out my teens and long into my twenties.

But here's the thing. I had never been on a date. And there he was in the back ground of my life, adoring me from a distance. When I had been home from my travels for a bit my oldest brother suggested that I give him a chance.

"Angie, He's a great guy, Go out with him. Give it a try."

And so he asked me out at the end of our lane in the dark night under the stars.

A picture taken in South Africa. I think I looked like this a lot of the time.



Me and my two main buddies while in South Africa. I knew a lot of people on this trip but I think while with them I was the most free to be me.


This is one of the first "boys" I did not have a crush on or wonder or care if he had one on me. I just liked hanging out with him and as you can see he kind of influenced my style. He was like a younger brother.


Here I am back home.


And then I did this. This is the main reason I got the dreads in the first place. I had always wanted to try this and I figured if I totally destroyed my hair I would have no option but to remove it in one fowl swoop. And so remove I did.


And this is how I looked when Paul Asked me out for my first ever real date.

I Breathe.

I'm sitting here breathing. Just breathing. Maybe that seems like a silly thing to say. Why would I tell you this? What does breathing have to do with anything?

Let me tell you some days I forget to breathe. Or maybe my breath is full of straining. Striving to catch a bit more oxygen in a room that feels to be low. Or when the lungs puff up hard and tense after a hard bit of running or dancing. It may be a good form of stress on the lungs but it still seems to hurt.

That's where I am emotionally. This morning Paul went out with Suzie to take away the garbage. From there he was to go out to his parents farm to pick up a tool and then the rest of the day was to be spent at the building. He left and then he came back too soon. There was no way he could have done both those things in that amount of time but it was also a bit long for having just gone to the dump. And the strain in his voice was apparent.

"Angie, The car is done"

What does this mean? It finally gave up the ghost all on it's own? It does have 480,000 km. That is a lot for a Manitoba car.


Nope, turns out some one blew through a yield and ran into the back end of the car. That on it's own may not have been too bad but the fact that this sent Paul's car side ways into two more cars is what really finished it off. Paul listened to his gut and did not slow down but instead sped up a little. If he had slowed down the car would, more than likely have hit Suzie's door.

And now I need to breath again.

He stands in the back porch telling me the whole story while Suzie heads back out the door to play in the back yard and I am asking him if they are both okay. It may seem as though it is a ridiculous question as they are both there in front of me but I am new to this moment in time and want to be clear on what I am seeing and hearing. The car was hit. You both look fine but how can this be true?


I need both pieces of information to coalesce.


And they do, eventually life is normal again. But it's not. That's the thing about something like this. There is no real harm done to body and mind. When everything is fine you forget. But then you see the bumper-less car and remember.

But life is normal. Suzie only mentions the accident when we talk about getting a new car. She has come to the conclusion in her little mind that this was actually a good thing. Now we get to get a new car. How can this be bad?

She looks forward to the Dodge Ram and the dump truck getting in accidents cause then we will two more new vehicles. The depth of seriousness is lost on her little mind. This is a good thing. Fear has not left a trail, it has left no mark from this moment. She doesn't even describe it to me. I may hear about it a year from now but at this time it is put in the files and packed away.


And life is normal.


And I breath.


And thankfulness has a bit of a deeper meaning in my heart for another day. I send up a few more prayers for the year, for my loved ones, for all that are on the roads this winter. Once again I remember that our lives are in His hands and I am thankful.