Saturday, November 3, 2012

I Breathe.

I'm sitting here breathing. Just breathing. Maybe that seems like a silly thing to say. Why would I tell you this? What does breathing have to do with anything?

Let me tell you some days I forget to breathe. Or maybe my breath is full of straining. Striving to catch a bit more oxygen in a room that feels to be low. Or when the lungs puff up hard and tense after a hard bit of running or dancing. It may be a good form of stress on the lungs but it still seems to hurt.

That's where I am emotionally. This morning Paul went out with Suzie to take away the garbage. From there he was to go out to his parents farm to pick up a tool and then the rest of the day was to be spent at the building. He left and then he came back too soon. There was no way he could have done both those things in that amount of time but it was also a bit long for having just gone to the dump. And the strain in his voice was apparent.

"Angie, The car is done"

What does this mean? It finally gave up the ghost all on it's own? It does have 480,000 km. That is a lot for a Manitoba car.

Nope, turns out some one blew through a yield and ran into the back end of the car. That on it's own may not have been too bad but the fact that this sent Paul's car side ways into two more cars is what really finished it off. Paul listened to his gut and did not slow down but instead sped up a little. If he had slowed down the car would, more than likely have hit Suzie's door.

And now I need to breath again.

He stands in the back porch telling me the whole story while Suzie heads back out the door to play in the back yard and I am asking him if they are both okay. It may seem as though it is a ridiculous question as they are both there in front of me but I am new to this moment in time and want to be clear on what I am seeing and hearing. The car was hit. You both look fine but how can this be true?

I need both pieces of information to coalesce.

And they do, eventually life is normal again. But it's not. That's the thing about something like this. There is no real harm done to body and mind. When everything is fine you forget. But then you see the bumper-less car and remember.

But life is normal. Suzie only mentions the accident when we talk about getting a new car. She has come to the conclusion in her little mind that this was actually a good thing. Now we get to get a new car. How can this be bad?

She looks forward to the Dodge Ram and the dump truck getting in accidents cause then we will two more new vehicles. The depth of seriousness is lost on her little mind. This is a good thing. Fear has not left a trail, it has left no mark from this moment. She doesn't even describe it to me. I may hear about it a year from now but at this time it is put in the files and packed away.

And life is normal.

And I breath.

And thankfulness has a bit of a deeper meaning in my heart for another day. I send up a few more prayers for the year, for my loved ones, for all that are on the roads this winter. Once again I remember that our lives are in His hands and I am thankful.


  1. Yes, indeed thankful and yes, more breathing. Breathing in every moment and not taking so many things for granted... being cautious but not paranoid. being aware... also means being aware of the beauty and blessings around us all as well. Praying for you all and also for your 'new' vehicle hunt!

    1. Thanks Jo, Looking forward to finding something new. Hoping it doesn't take us too long.

  2. Thank goodness they are ok. Keep breathing.

    1. I am indeed so thankful for their well being.


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