Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Where do we go from here, part 2

In this post I tell how I was informed at an early age that a young boy, even younger than me had already planned for our future together. The funny thing is when I ask that boys older self if he really talked about marrying me in the future he seems to think he might have mentioned it once. When I think about it though and what he says now I can't imagine it was only once.

K, So I was 13. I had crushes. There were boys I thought were cute, sure. But for some reason this bit of information frightened me. I wanted a boy to like me but the minute I heard that this one particular boy was saying things like this I froze. He wasn't the one I was crushing on. I admit I really, hardly noticed him. (don't worry he knows all this already, He was kind of there).

So let me see, how can I move us through the next nine years quickly but still fill in a bit of information? Boy liked me, I thought him a bit gawky but was intrigued by the attention. I can't say he payed any real obvious attention to me. He spent time with my brothers but they were his best friends even before he was attracted to me. I just had a little voice running circles in the back of my mind any time I saw him. "this boy thinks he likes me, this boy says he want's to marry me, it is said that this boy notices me"

And here is something else. The first time those words hit my ears I believed it. But I didn't want to. I thought it weird that I would believe it. What gave him the right to decide this future for me? And I was selfish. I wanted to write my own future. Choose the man, the journey I would take and so I tried.

For years I "ignored" the voice and tried to ignore the boy who grew into a young man. But you can't ignore someone who is always thinking of you. Even if the pursuit seems quiet and unobtrusive.  There was always a bit of a nagging sensation in the back of my mind. And so I fought it for many years.

Next up. Moving out and traveling a bit.

My three younger brothers and mom.

My older brother and I

My youngest brother watching me pretend to kiss a fish.

P.S. I am not at all going to accomplish my original goal. I had thought I would put up our little story and have it done before our anniversary this coming Sunday but that is far from where I am right now. Also I am discovering so many things I am wanting to add to our story that I think what I might have to do is start to separate them. My story and our story though the two intermingle so often. It is hard to know what exactly to do here. So I guess you will have to follow along for the ride and see where it takes us. Hope you're having fun so far.

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