Saturday, November 5, 2011

That tense moment

It comes on slowly. Building in intensity. Then suddenly you snap. Big snap or little snap you find that this is not how you wanted it to turn out. Then you have to change something, quick or it will severe in two.

Today I worked on a project that I had in mind, I found it was not coming out in fabric as easy as I had first hoped. I was getting there but then the first girl awoke from her nap. That is okay, usually she is entertained by coloring or music or any other such thing. A few little breaks in the project proceedings and she is happy.

Then number two awoke playing happily in her crib.
"Okay" my mind says to me "We can do this, if we just figure this thing out, we are almost there"

But then number two is crying. Get her, Feed her, Key point here, forget to burp her. Lay her on the floor near project station and continue. This all happening while the elder daughter is begging to go outside.
"yes we will go, just a few minutes here and we can go"
Baby laying on floor is crying harder while the older one is busily making her way around the basement commenting on every bit of life. So many words mingled in with the tears of a baby.
"just a minute more"
"Mommy, let's go for a walk, mommy, what's this, mommy the mugits is off"
all right half a minute now, oooo.... that was not supposed to sew up like that
"Mommy, is that mine, is that for me"
Oops I am forgetting to breath
"Mommy, let's go for a walk"


Mommy just remembered something important. When things are becoming to chaotic with kids and what mommy wants to do, then walk away from mommies thing.

My mistake. Why do I put us all through this? A lesson in frustration compounded.

A walk was the most wise thing to do at that moment. Cool off and breath. My goodness, just breath. It is a simple thing, an easy fix and yet... I find my self in the way of a wise decision. A mother choosing self over others once again.

Out in the evening air, breathing in the fall passing over to winter. Calm. Peace.

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