Thursday, September 8, 2011

To busy with great stuff to even write about it.

Okay, maybe that's not the total truth. I just don't want to complain about something that I know will one day become a most distant memory. It is the desperate neediness of my Jader Bean which is drawing on my sanity. I wonder if it is possible to please a baby that wants to be held 24/7 and take care of the necessities of life. At this time she cries any time I put her down. All right that isn't the truth either, she screams short loud bursts of Jade scream. The kind that makes your ears recoil back in on themselves. She demands that I am the one holding her or she will leave the ears of any other cringing in pain. Yeah that might be a little over board but not much, just dangling ones feet in the water.

And I do know that it is entirely the desire to be held, standing of course, for the fact that yesterday she went from a scream that made you think she was in pain to a laugh in less than a half second. I picked her up, she saw Suzie, she smiled and laughed. We have come to the conclusion that I am her source of mobility. I am the one that takes her to "where the action is". And if I do not comply with her demands instantly she is quick to inform me of her displeasure.

But not today, oh sweet relief. And as my kitchen would show I have taken full advantage. Baby girl has slept most of the day. She slept in the stroller while I went for my jog, in her chair during the baking of buns, granola bars and cookies. While I edited photos from this past week. She even spent some time happily playing on the floor. She would fall asleep in my arms and when I put her down she stayed asleep. Now If I can enjoy a slightly leisurely shower today I will be in heaven. You know, the kind where you don't have to choose between washing your hair or shaving your legs. We'll see that may be asking too much.

Non-the-less there has been a lot of great times mingled in with all of this. In fact this problem that seems so loud at times quickly fades away when I give over my agenda to the powers that be (i.e. my two lovely little ladies) I find there is much joy to be discovered. The main problem in all of that which I just spoke of is that "I" get in the way. I put my desires first and when thwarted in my plans am upset with the littles that know no other way.

:: Right, now I have rambled on for what may be far to long but that is where we are at. I am still learning to let go of my selfish ways. A never ending quest.

Suzie and I found something a few days back.

Had to check it out. Suzie found it very intriguing. "It has a tail Mom"

Had to pick it up to share with Dad.

He enjoyed it just as much as the two of us.

There he goes again with that look.

He sometimes takes Jade when I am busy and suggests to her that she start walking. She isn't too keen on it yet.

But he did find something that made her smile and laugh...


Hanging from her feet head butting her little sister in the belly.

Oh yeah. and this. This makes her happy even if she doesn't look it in this picture.

Oh, And this wonderful contraption is new to us from Paul's boss. He was telling Paul how he needed to take it to the dump and Paul asked if he could just take it home with him instead. He suspected that Suzie might be interested. He knew what he was thinking. She loves the thing. It may be a bit rickety, a little tired but she doesn't know the difference.

Even if I complain a bit, life has been amazing. Paul and I have been spending time together and with the girls a lot more this past week and the difference in all of us is apparent to me. I learn and then forget, far too often, the benefits of giving of myself freely without expectations. Letting go of what I think should happen and watching how life will unfold all on it's own. And when I remember to let go I see that the ebb and flow comes so naturally and so wonderfully I just need to stop getting in the way.

Oh that I would not forget but hold fast to the ways that are true. But if I always held true I would not see with renewed freshness the wonders that abound all around me.

May you be free to enjoy life as it comes your way and find peace in relaxed giving. No expectations lead to a lot less disappointment.

1 comment:

  1. OH how I prayed that none of you would get a "Mei child", and so sorry that Paul can't just exit the room and go home when the crying just won't stop. I pray for patience and wisdom for you all and the peace and joy to go through it. It is terribly tough, feels like eternity, but ends as suddenly as it comes. If you've tried everything else, take your tea outside! Love the caterpillar and the silly little sisters. There is sweetness in every moment and happy that you have reminded me of that.


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