Friday, October 8, 2010

A bit of a vent to start, then on from there.

There is this disappointment that is here in my life. It may not seem much to anyone of you, but to me it is something that has my mind spinning. I was unable to get in with the midwives this time around. With Suzie's pregnancy and birth I had the midwives from start to finish. And when I was discharged from the office I was sure the next one would be with them as well. There were five in the office at the time, plenty to take on many of the Brandon and area babies. When I am due with number two there will only be two in the office and that is not enough. So I was sent away.

This has not been to much on my mind till now. In a week I have my first prenatal appointment. It will be in a doctors office. Cold, hard bed, laying on loud paper when they check for the heart beat. Compared to a warm office, soft bed, soft lighting. Again this may seem as no big deal, but I am pregnant and that makes me ridiculously moody. I can and most likely will cry about most anything. I have been known, while pregnant, to cry over spilt milk. To cry when an add on TV shows a baby walking, or just a new baby being held. I have been known to cry about nothing. Paul will look at me while tears stream down my face and ask "What's wrong" I will just reply with the words "pregnant, I am just pregnant." it is ridiculous.

I think about all the differences that are to be had in the pregnancy and half the problem is the unknown. I know what it is like to be pregnant but with a midwife. I suspect this will be just fine. It will be no big deal in the end. But for now I am on this edge of unknowing and it is strange. It has me imagining the doctors office and waiting room colder than it really is. And just now I thought of something more. People go to doctors when sick. I'm not sick. I am carrying a baby. Waiting rooms have hard chairs. The midwife office had a rocking chair and couch. They had toys for the older children. They had a family room if you had a family.

It will be fine but I have to vent my disappointment. And don't get me started on the differences that might be found when actually delivering. I just can't go there right now.

On to the next things in life. Like Thanksgiving. Like the fact that when the weather cools I feel a sudden need to decorate. I want to start the holiday season. And oh my word it is too early for Christmas decor. So I took my hair cutting money and spent a bit of time getting fall goods. Just enough to satiate my need to put somethings around the house. Turns out they are mostly on the front porch but they make me happy.

A Simple garland made from colored willow balls found at the dollar store and pine cones from the yard.

Butter churn, watering can, and flowered tins from the dump, ceramic pumpkin from Winners, Sun flower from Micheal's, and bamboo rods from the dollar store.

It makes me smile, I like to decorate for the seasons.

And now this new wonder in my home. OH! YAY!

Here is an old photo from Feb. that shows the bottom portion of this area in the kitchen (and a much smaller Suzie too).


This part of the kitchen has been an eye sore for some time and the jars with all the dry goods have taken space up on the counter and table for almost just as long. This wonderful repair done by my husband (as a surprise non-the-less) has a two for one outcome.

Ah yes, the wonder that came to the door one day. With my visa points we got this sweet number for Suzie. The minute the box came in she knew it was for her. Paul and Suzie put it together in the middle of the kitchen. So fun to watch.

She has a leather man just like daddy.

The final product. Our small little lady can't even reach the peddles. Next year.

A day on the farm.

I love how free she is out here to run and play.

So does she.

"Hey Buck"

They look like real companions.

The only good shot I got of the harvest this year. One year I will have a chance to run all through the fields without a child in tow and take shots from all angles. For now I am thankful for what I have gotten and even more thankful that it is done. It was a long harvest this year, weather not permitting much to be done at any given time. Mom and Dad Kroeker are very happy to have it all off the fields.

In life there are things unknown that may have us apprehensive and there are things known that may be stressful. There are things that can be all things at once and then others that can only seem good. In all of life these things come and go. That which was unknown becomes known and the fear or stress it brought goes from that to joy or relief. In the end it all comes around to remind us of the things to be learned and the things to be enjoyed. It all comes down to the attitude of the beholder. So on to the next things in life and the adventures ahead.


  1. Hey Angie!

    This is Candy, Heidi's friend from Circle Square. I don't know if you remember me or not, but I have been reading your blog for about 5 months and loving every entry. I am days away from my due date with my fourth child, Ruth Annie is her name. I have 3 boys so this little girl is more than a treasure.

    So reading your blog has made me very excited to see my little girl.

    I read your post about seeing a doctor this time round and I will be thinking of you as you face this change. I have seen both a midwife and a doctor, and here is what I have found. When God is in the middle of something, He can take a doctor and use him to meet EVERY need that you have. I was really scared to see a doc after being with my sweet family loving midwife. But God showed up strong when a doctor ended up delievering my third son. It was peaceful, only took and hour and a half, and I was really blown away because I was really not expecting him to be as wonderful as the midwife, but he was. Just what I needed for Ki, and for that birth in particular. So I will pray for you that the Doc you see will be a blessing in disguise and that every one of your heart's desires will be met and that it will be just what your little baby and you need for this birth in particular. And that it will be comfy and enjoyable going to the office(maybe you'll go to an extra special office)

    I felt every one of the emotions that you expressed on your blog, so I am with ya girl!!!!!

    Best of joy with your pregnancy!!!

  2. Thanks Candy, I really appriciate your thoughts and prayers. Last night my husband had a really good talk about this very issue, it was really good to talk it out. I came to that very conclusion, that this will be good in the end. It will be different and that can be great.

    Thanks again for your words of encouragement.


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