Thursday, July 26, 2012

Just as I am

This morning has been a bit difficult. An entire peach was sacrificed to learning a lesson that will probably need to be learned again, sit still at the table. The other child was covered head to toe in oatmeal just as the peach went cascading down the side of the fridge bathed blissfully in it's pool of milk so that it was not only peach but sugared milk that covered the floor. I paused for a moment before looking down. Who really wants to see what you all ready know is to greet your eyes. A puddle of milk intermingled with peach bits. All soaking into the corners of the kitchen.

Oatmeal covered child and my bowl of peaches and cream. I will just say that I was not the one fidgeting a the table so this bowl was entirely enjoyed.

I have made a recent discovery. I am not sure if it is natural or taught but non-the-less it is what it is. My older girl is a bit of a perfectionist. How do I know this? While doing her first cut and paste project she was unable to keep the squares complete, cutting into the picture instead of around. Little one had a melt down. Heart racing, tears pouring and frustration spouting out with every word and cry. It is this that brings out the "quitter" mentality. It is this that causes her to say "forget it. I can't do it perfect I won't do it at all". Okay maybe not those words, I think it usually sounds more like this
"Boooo,blub,bloo, I can't, I...booo" With a lot of water all mixed in.

Suzie collecting flowers for her fair entry.

Did we put this on her? Is it learned or is it a part of the DNA? What ever it may be it has shown me something about myself. What can I do to counter act this? I too hold strong to keeping it just so. Doing it perfect or else forget about it. I am able at times to release this mentality but maybe not often enough. There is a bit of a defeatist in me. And when it comes to messes, I want them under control at all times. I have in fact cried over spilled milk. Maybe, Maybe I should let this go. What might that do for the heart of my little girl? Would freedom come in. Would the learning process be just as much fun as the getting it right?

It has my mind swimming with the thought of opportunities to share with her the freedoms that come from letting it go. The peace that can be found in knowing we are loved and appreciated whether we get it right or not. That being perfect does not make us desirable. In fact it is in our weaknesses that He is made strong. This is a lesson I need to dive a little more deeply into. This is a pool of warm luxurious waters that I have only wadded up to my ankles in. And even when I have I often dry off and forget how magical it might be to just dive in, Head first. Let it all go. I have a long ways to go in learning this lesson. I feel as though I have just stumbled across a deeper part of me that I had forgotten about. A deeper longing.

: :

The fair was just such an opportunity. There was a category that was for any person 16 and under to put together a flower arrangement of their choice. And so She did.

And So I let her.

And she was proud.

See, I didn't tell her that it wasn't perfect.

I didn't mention the pansie stuffed too deep and drowning in the water. or the Sunflower facing backwards. I won't lie, I wanted to. I wanted to point out that all the flowers should face the same way. That they should be up out of the vase. But that would be beside the point. This was Her thing. No involvement from mom. (okay, I suggested she take off the dead flowers but that is all).

And you know what? She won. Yes she was the only entry but the judges preserve the right to not award a prize if they do not see fit. They didn't know the age of the child who entered this. In other words she could have gotten third place or not even placed at all. So Thank you Oak Lake fair. Thank you judges for your gift to me. Suzie is three, she doesn't quite get this. She never even did get the chance to see what the whole set up looked like. She didn't see her flowers in the midst of all the others. But I get it. You have confirmed it. We do not need to be perfect to be appreciated. Thank you for the gift to me and my girl.

How often I find myself striving for perfection when it is just as I am that I am loved. For this I am grateful.


  1. This is 1 of the biggest lessons I have learned as a Mom of perfectionists. I let so many things go that I am so deep the other way now... way less migraines/melt downs/tummy aches though! Maybe when my girls are older they will want a tidy house, unlike their own Mom's.... maybe not. I pray they will remember the projects we did, the mud pies that were made and the time that was taken for friends instead of dusting.... I will dream!

  2. I Know what you mean. And I am sure they will. It is here and now that we have the chance to show these truths. They will remember the freedoms for certain.


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